Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Ski Bum/Holiday Survival

PHOTO: Brett Schreckengost
PHOTO: Brett Schreckengost

The Ski Bum’s Holiday Survival Guide

A cheat sheet for those hard-to-answer questions from Grandma and Uncle Steve

Coming home for the holidays can be bittersweet for a lot of skiers. You leave your friends, the mountains, and your skis behind, but you get to spend time with your family, indulge in some free, home cooked meals, and most importantly, see your family dog.
Arguably one of the hardest parts of going home for the holidays comes when relatives start to ask those hard-to-answer questions about what you're doing with your life. The life of a skier can be confusing to outsiders, so we've collected a list of frequently asked questions, and the clearest way to convince Grandma you're doing just fine.

Their Question: "Are you seeing anyone?"
The Reality: The Tinder pool has long since run dry, all the cute ski instructors were taken as soon as the Australian seasonal workers rolled into town, and that girl you were hooking up with moved to Alta for the winter.
Your Answer: "I'm really taking this winter to focus on myself and my own personal goals and aspirations. You know, you can't love someone else until you truly love yourself."

Their Question: "What are you doing for work?"
The Reality: When you're not elbow-deep in a dish pit or serving drinks to Patagonia-clad businessmen from California, you tell your buddies you'll drive them to town and back for $10, since apparently, Uber doesn't accept '92 Subarus with cracked windshields and only two functioning doors.
Your Answer: "Outside of some extracurricular entrepreneurial pursuits, I work closely with a high-end clientele base who rely heavily on my work."

Their Question: "Where are you living?"
The Reality: Roughly 83 percent of your income goes towards a closet in a three-bedroom, one-bathroom house with seven dudes, three dogs, and "George W. Kush," a parakeet the old tenants bought off their weed dealer.
Your Answer: "Community-based living has become incredibly popular in (insert your ski town here). My roommates and I are really close, and learning a lot about each other and ourselves."

Their Question: "Are you eating well?"
The Reality: The week before payday, most of your meals come from the scraps of chicken fingers ski school kids don't finish at lunch, and your roommate that works the morning shift at the bakery bringing home old bread after work. The week after, you blow half your paycheck on a cheeseburger with a side of fries at the lodge.
Your Answer: "I've developed quite a diverse palate, exploring an extensive range of cuisines on a budget. Does anyone need anything from the kitchen? I'm going for seconds."

Their Question: "So when do you think you'll get over this whole 'skiing' phase?"
The Reality: Never.
Your Answer: "Never."

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